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I haven’t always been a Christian—at least not in the way that truly matters.

At eight years old, I gave the pastor my hand and was baptized soon after. For the next thirty-three years, I was deeply involved in church life. I attended every Sunday and twice during the week with my mother, who was the driving force behind my consistent church attendance.

But even with that faithful routine, my life told a different story.

I was still frequenting clubs, lying, gossiping, and tearing others down—even those in the body of Christ. My faith was nonexistent, and I had no desire to help others. I placed my job and material possessions above everything. Looking back now, I realize that while I was in the church, the church was not in me.

I didn’t open the Bible unless it was to follow along during a sermon. I hadn’t surrendered my life to God, hadn’t repented, and hadn’t asked for His forgiveness. God wasn’t in my heart—I was simply going through the motions.

Everything began to change when the pastor of my home church and his family fell from grace. The fallout deeply affected me. I had placed so much faith in them, and their failure shook me. I was devastated and began questioning not just the church, but my entire purpose in life. I didn’t yet know the joy that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

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I Realized I Needed Jesus

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In the midst of my despair, I began to pray—really pray. I asked God for clarity, purpose, and guidance. Around that time, my mother passed away in 2002. She had always been the anchor holding me in place, especially after the turmoil in our church. With her gone, I stopped attending altogether.

The following year, my father passed away. The year after that, I lost my job of fifteen years through no fault of my own. That job had meant everything to me—I had even considered leaving my husband to keep it.

I felt completely lost.

Then, something unexpected happened. My mother-in-law, with whom I had a strained relationship, invited me to her church. I didn’t want to go—but I went with my family anyway.

And that’s where I met Jesus.

Not the Jesus I had grown up hearing about in sermons, but the living Savior who saw my pain, my brokenness, and still chose to love me. I invited Him into my heart. I repented. I asked Him to forgive me and to use my life for His glory.

I began to see clearly. I understood that God had to remove certain things—and certain people—from my life so I could finally see Him.

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The Biggest Change in My Life

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The most profound transformation has been in my relationships. My husband and I have now been married 41 years. He truly is a gift from God. My relationship with my children has deepened, and astonishingly, my mother-in-law has become like a second mother to me.

Even more, I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. I sense His prompting when I’m tempted to fall back into old habits. His voice leads me toward peace, truth, and obedience.

I look back on those years when I lived for myself, and I marvel at God’s grace. There were so many moments I could have lost my life—but God never left me.

When I finally let go of trying to do life my way and surrendered to Him, He answered my prayers in ways I never imagined. I have peace now. I have joy. And even when I don't understand what I'm going through, I choose to trust Him.

I know my mother would be so proud of the woman I am today.

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Final Thoughts

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My journey reminds me that church attendance doesn’t equal salvation—and routine doesn’t mean relationship. Only when I truly surrendered my heart did I begin to understand who Jesus is and what it means to walk with Him.

If you’re reading this and feeling lost, empty, or like you're just going through the motions—I want you to know: it's not too late to invite Him in.

He’s been waiting for you, just like He waited for me.